Ok, I swore to myself that I’d make a list of pet peeves. Because basically, I am the strangest person EVER and I have really funny pet peeves.

Kaitlin S. Peyton’s List of Pet Peeves:

…

Dammit. Now I’m on the spot and can’t think of anything.

Ok, I’ll try.

1.) Celebrities’ Problems: So Kate Moss is a big coke-head. And she got booted from all her labels (H&M, Burberry, Chanel, etc). And everyone is so sorry for her, so sad, this is so unfair. Well let me tell you a story. Kate Moss is hot and famous. She has more money than she knows what to do with, has a perfect body with normal sized boobs, great hair and is a supermodel of epic proportions. I wish I could wear bustier tops and miniskirts. I wish I had six-foot long legs. You know what? I don’t feel bad for her at all. Because while she might have a slight addiction to la cocaina, she still is hot. And probably has ten closets full of designer clothes.
2.) Using the wrong homologue: Ok, it is NOT that hard to understand when to use “where” or “wear” or “they’re”, “their”, or “there”. But the biggest offender of all, the one that will make me see red, the one that cuts, in the film sequence of my life, to a close up of my eyes with a nuclear blast mushroom cloud in them (comme Anchorman) is the ubiquitous “your”/”you’re” misuse. Seriously. Best way to piss me off? Send me an email, IM or facebook message with a “Your the best!” message. I will seriously hunt you down and destroy you. Best example of this: Andy the ex could not differentiate between the two and just used “your” in every situation. Even when I explained it to him. And what the contraction “you’re” stood for. There’s no reason for a 20-year old boy to be unable to use correct grammar. Every time he did that while we were dating, I thought to myself “Just grin and bear it, maybe he’ll learn, maybe he just mistyped…” But no. Luckily, Stephen is a grammatically sound young man…Not that I’d boot him if he was bad at grammar because I dated Andy for 7 months and lived with that. And Stephen definitely fulfills the chest hair fetish.
3.) Guys with Big Egos: Guys who think that dating me is a donation to charity will get my foot in their ass, and not in a kinky sexual way. Deigning to talk to me is a real easy way to get the Kaitlin Peyton Ice-Out. And to the guys with huge egos who think that allowing a girl to give them a blowjob is a gift, I’ve got news for you. Blowjobs? Not exactly the most fun I’ve ever had. Especially if it takes forever. Getting lockjaw from a 45 minute BJ is not that great of a gift. And don’t even get me started on how semen tastes. Nectar of the gods is it NOT.
4.) Overweight Girls Who Elect to Dress Like They Are a Size 2: Ok, I am not size 0, so I suppose I shouldn’t throw stones. But then again, I don’t wear like, nasty crop tops or like, daisy duke shorts. I have a serious problem when I see a chubby girl (who might not even be that massively obese) wearing ultra low rise stretchy jeans that are about 3 sizes too small and a belly t-shirt. It’s gross. I do not need to see that roll of uber-pale spare tire bulging over your waistband like uncooked bread dough. It makes me want to vomit. Additionally, you only make yourself look even fatter by wearing that shit. Some clothes fit certain sizes better than others and I’m sorry, when your armpit flab completely encases the straps to your tank top, it’s time for you to wear something better suited for your size. I’m not being mean, I’m being realistic. And it’s self-preservation…in the idea that, if you don’t stop wearing that, I will not preserve myself (via jumping off a cliff to get away from the sight of your beer belly.).
5.) Pretentious Artists with No Talent: This seems like a no-brainer. Why did we detest Lauren in high school? Well, because she was annoying as sin and smelled gross of her own volition. However, it was also due to the fact that she was Miss Artiste and never failed to rub it in our faces. Paint on all her clothes, unkempt hair, rubbed turpentine all over everything for the smell, looked down on us for our nice clothes, preppy ways and good hygiene. But the thing was, she was no Picasso. No Chagall…Damn, she wasn’t even a Mark Rothko (shittiest. artist. EVER. Look up his work on the Milwaukee Art Museum’s website). It’s the same thing in my art class here. It’s an entry level art class with all different sorts: people who’ve never taken an art class before, people who have and are just starting out art in college, art majors and of course, a smattering of art hippies. Just like in high school. And it’s mostly females. They have the unbrushed hair, ridiculous outfits with unmatched clothes and then, of course, a ratty Northface fleece over it all…Grrr…And they think they are such tortured, gifted, original artists. No. No you are not. You paint for shit. You have no style, no craftsmanship. You slop something together as a tribute to your angst and are, in fact, a Northshore Nancy in disguise. I am not Picasso. I am not Magritte. I am not a master. But I think that I have some talent and I enjoy what I do and I do it well. I like to paint, I like to draw. I love 3d anything. And that is why you should do art. For fun and because you like it and are good at it. Not because it fulfills your art requirement of being a Madison hippie. I want to wait in a dark alley for them, jump them, throw them in a burlap sack, drag them back to my house and hose them down in the backyard. And brush their hair.
6.) Drunk Facebook Messages: Ok, drunk dialing is one thing. I always think it’s the best idea ever to give someone who’s drinking their cellphone. Because inevitably, it will seem like the BEST idea ever to call Grandma/Mom and Dad/God. It’s funny. And somewhat more natural than getting drunk, walking over the computer and going on facebook. To post on someone’s wall that you are drunk. Applause for you. Not only are you wasted, but you are obviously a loser because you’re wasted and ON THE COMPUTER. That, to me, is the most pathetic thing ever. “What upppdfgpp, Kgaitlin, I’m wsdasted…This isg a sdrunken fadxxcebook post..iM so drunk thgright now!” Great. And you are wasting that (no pun intended) online. On facebook. I really think that FB group “Facebook owns my soul” is not far from the truth for us college kids.


To be continued...since everything annoys me.